so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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