omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My dick has a subreddit
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
