my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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