who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize