I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
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