He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
