went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
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I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
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Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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