sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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