Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
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It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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