oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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