Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
