Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
