he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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