we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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