Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
