so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
