i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
he's gonorrhea incarnate
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
