well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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