He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
