Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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