Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize