dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You are the jesus of drinking
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
