Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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