So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
