Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
