That reminds me...we need to get swords
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
