When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize