you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
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There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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