don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
