You just made me feel so damn special
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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