well you can't waste a boner
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
is wine microwaveable?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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