i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
