I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
