Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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