you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
