Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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