I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
