yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
