In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
