I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
