Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
