and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
