I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
