i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
