I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
