Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
