Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
