he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
