thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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