yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
