where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
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My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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