Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
