i think my mom watched the whole time
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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