oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
