I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
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I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
did i just pee glitter
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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