she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
