Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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