Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
