1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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