I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
