that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
