do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
