Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
