the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
