Define "chronic" masturbator.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
