im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
