i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
