You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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