i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize